Museveni Loves His Rifles: 5 Things August Has Taught Us So Far

Museveni and His Rifles

I hate to say this; I hate August, it is only the second and I hate it already.

August promises much in my world; mom’s birthday I dare not forget and a chatty landlady who has made it a norm to say her good-mornings in person (It’s a new month Mrs. Yiga, I got the memo). Let’s not forget the gruelling 9 to 5 and its lack of public holiday. In exact terms, August is a 4 hour Micro Economics lecture without the pee breaks. The hustle is real, for real.

All that and yet there’s still enough comedy to go around; I love this country Uganda.

The UBC Revival

Lately, we’ve had it tough making up our minds, the classic, Ugandan way. The state broadcaster has sucked at the only thing it was tasked to do; broadcasting. I miss the good old days of Pingu, the days when Shaka Zulu and Rambo: First Blood were actual blockbusters. UBC needs CPR in a country where good leadership, state support and implementable policies in public institutions are endangered species. But Kaheru and co. are fit custodians and hopefully they will put our curiosity to rest; we need details on the 10 billion shilling livestock farm of this Muhanga. The learned, astrophysicist goats that have every tweep tail wagging. UBC has been crucified far too long we need the Saviour to step in and do his thing.

Museveni Relishes the Bush Days

Kyankwanzi retreats never cease to surprise, the President was snapped in a not so peculiar challenge this time. The ex bush veteran schooled his yellow band of merry men(and women) on a shooting range. Sevo’s excitement with a rifle in hand was immense. Did someone tip him off? That Jason Bourne is back?

Lokodo Wasn’t Joking

Rev. Lokodo is a man of the Word or is it his word? Jimmy Fallon is a joker but not Lokodo. Whatever pornography did to him I’ll never know but the minister is hell bent (you gotta love the pun) on depriving the masses of their last chance at sanity. Porn and nudes and kimansulo excite us properly as Ugandans and we dig in like its our meal. So if Lokodo believes porn is the scourge and not cancer, or corruption, or bailout scams, or Massacre Road…mpanise! All this time I thought the porn detecting machine jazz was to keep the largely redundant ministry of Lokodo’s relevant to the establishment that is the Republic of Uganda. He wasn’t joking; wamma Neithan, bampe kyenywa.

Where is Raheem?

Usual business aside, allow me to welcome Leroy Sane to the Citizens. As a Kopite I hate anything Manchester. But City still has me on that 6-1; still fresh on the mind. I ask, “Where’s Raheem?” Where is the brat who thought he was too good for Liverpool? Where will he play, who will he dethrone in Pep’s squad? De Bruyne? Silva?, Sane? Nolito? Nasri or Navas? Go home, Raheem and pack Yaya’s bags while at it. Thanks for the 49 mill, warmest regards from Klopp; Championship is calling.

Kayihura Is Hear To Stay

The IGP should won’t burge, completely unmoved by the attention his boys have afforded him. What impunity, my spirit shivers and shudders at the same time. Police continues to deny any brutality, after running people over; mbu teargas is no longer effective. But what do I know. Sevo has blamed police misconduct on Besigye. That impunity my friend , makes me wanna read from Stella Nyanzi’s journal right now.


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